Gossip: Have You Been a Victim?
Liltomboyblue just asked an interesting question of all of us.
Should mean-spirited school gossip just be ignored--or does it need to be addressed?
Have you ever been the victim of nasty gossip? How did you deal with it? Did your parents or teachers help? Do you wish they had/hadn't?
Please share!
posted by Kirsten Miller at 11:24 AM
53 Comments:
Awesome Thanks Kirsten! It's amazing the things people will say, and even more amazing what people will believe. The stereotype 'clique' is more than a stereotype, it's real. And it affects everyone, through gossip, the way they treat each other, e.t.c. It's really sad, frankly. Please share, everyone!
DEFINITALY do not get a parent or teacher involved. That is bad news. I think there are 3 ways to solve it.
a. ignore it
b. stand up to them (the gossipers), but to do this you have to be ultra conident, because if you are just a tinsy bitsy not confident, or less confident then the other person, it WILL backfire. Which, needless to say, is bad.
c. if your with like a group of friends, then all of your friends can stand up, this usually works because then it's like 5 (or however many friends you can round up) to 3.
Yes I have been.
But haven't we all?
I mean, it's part of the cliche school world, especially middle school.
Conforming people think it's "cool" and then tell someone else and blah blah blah
chain reaction
:]
well i have beenmade fun of and stuff but the girl who was doing with her friends got suspended! it was like the best 2 days of my life when she was gone! i know sounds mean but if saw how many people she made cry you would agree with me1
Well, as according to the government I don't exist, no. Nobody really makes fun of me at all.
Just kidding! No, not really, though. I'm too average! Yay average!
... thats a good question. I think it depends. I don't think we should get counslers and parents involved, they usualy just make things worse. And, you should probably lay low if its not that bad. But if it is, stand up. And have your friends with you. Back-up never hurt anyone.
I definintely think that gossip is always worse with girls. we seem to gossip ALL the time, even if it's just a small comment. Soon it'll be all over the school. I, personaly, have never seen a boy gossip. They usualy talk about sports or some totaly random subject.
I would have to say gossip will eventualy die down if you ignore it. But it takes a LONG time. All the aldults think it will only last a week or so, but usualy it lasts months. Though, if you fight back, it just starts a whole new line of gossip. But that doesn't last much longer than it would any way.
I dont know if it's GOSSIP but ive been made fun of
i dont dress like the other girls my grade, i have a MUCH different personality than the norm here, and im like a foot taller than most girls my grade and apparently being unique isnt good where i live...
but if they think id change for them theyre insane!
everyone has been gossiped about and everyone (girls at least) gossip. it's like a fact of life, unfortunately. u just got to ignore it because then the gossiper (i don't think that's a word but oh well!) will get discouraged and would save the mean words for some1 they knw will get hurt. cuz if ur all like "who cares, i don't!" then they will b "man, i'm wasting my time!" problem solved.
i don't think u should get ur parents or teachers too involved cuz that would make u a snitch and therefore a victum of more gossip. i do think u should ask 4 advice, though. i always go to my mom cuz we're real close and she lets me handle the problem. she knws i'm mature enough now that i don't need her to always fix my problems.
that's about all i have 2 say about gossip.
oh btw! did u hear that like 2 weeks ago or something that a montauk monster carcass washed up in southold ny? i think u posted something about it last summer. www.montauk-monster.com has pics and everything! it's like really gross!
Hmm... Yes actually... When most weird problems happen [like collecting animal bones, digging mysterious holes, and etc], I'm usually the main and only suspect. XD Which is mostly true... But then rumors start about why I would do that stuff Oo'
i have a sad story about gossip...ahem there's this girl at my school who isn't like everyone else, i mean she's doesn't have a mental or physical illness or anything she's just kinda different. and everyone is mean to her, they pretend to be her friend and tell all her secrets and just do the meanest stuff. it drives me crazy, but I'm not influential enough to get the kids to stop, i wish i could though. it really makes me sick! >:(
At my school people gossip but it is usually not about me and along the lines of"did you hear so and so and so and so are going out"etc.I don't really fit in but I don't get gossiped about that often.(plus i would never go out with so-and-so).I hate it when a teacher gets involved in anything social.They just have a meeting and try to work it out but nothing happens.Good question Kirsten!
one of my friends told my class that i was anti-semetic, although over half of my friends were jewish. everybody hated me so much i had to be homeschooled, no joke. completely ruined middle school for me.
Thankfully, I haven't ever been gossiped or rumoured about (even though I'm weird!), but I know those who have/are. I say that as an individual, set a good example by not indulging in gossip. And if someone starts to gossip or spread a rumour, stop them and don't pass it on. It's so sad how it can destroy a person's life.
I've done a post on gossip on my blog. Thanks for the inspiration liltomboyblue and Ananka :D
one of my best friends was gossiped about so much at her old school so she had to transfer to mine! the whole problem started with her telling a "popular" girl she was IMing that u don't always have to shop at designer stores or whatever. the girl thought kenzie was insulting her and some nasty words followed. she was socially ruined just bcuz of one innocent comment. (but if she hadn't we would probably have never met and become bffs so that's a good thing! :D )
This reminds me of Sidonia Galatzina from Kiki Strike Inside The Shadow City.
KITTY: You always make me laugh! Collecting animal bones and digging mysterious holes!
I actually have been gossiped about around five years ago at my old school. I used to hang around with a bunch of girls, but as time went by, they got quite (ahem) rude and dirty minded. So I stopped playing with them, which they didn't care about, since I was so quiet, then they started talking about me (in double dutch, which they thought I couldn't understand, but I did.) because I'm a little strange.
But how stupid can people get. When one of them had a fight with the rest of the group (one in particular because she was a little overweight and they often teased her), she'd come up to me and say "Oh, I have to play with you 'cause the other girls aren't talking to me, since I told the teacher about them teasing me."
Then the next day she's back in the group, teasing ME.
Unfortunately I couldn't speak up then. But if it was now...
Gossiping is not good at all, and there are no advantages. None of us are perfect, so we cannot go around pointing out other peoples faults.
Also if someone is gossiping about your friend, by all means defend him (but check with him first! Some people want to have as little fuss made as possible).
I hope my previous comment came through. I'm not sure if it did.
I've been gossiped about. I'm sure more than half the grade doesn't like me, just because I express my opinions pretty openly. But I don't let it get to me. The way I see it, if they're going to say things like that about me, then I don't care what they think. Why waste my energy on someone that doesn't matter to me?
tell me if u think there's a difference between gossipping and fighting with ur friends because in my opinion they are the same things. when girls fight with each other all they do is gossip, right? so that means that friend fights (which are not at all "friendly") are in the same category and i can ask u people 4 advice on them right now.
my friends are messed up. no offense to them or anything but they are. here's how the fight started a few weeks ago:
my one friend sammi was mad at my other friend brynn so sammi decided to ignore her. some of my other friends thought sammi was ignoring them too and got mad. sammi has a really good reason to be mad at brynn though, because brynn has a mean side and a bad attitude occasionally which gets really annoying. so my friend kenzie (whom i told u about b4) and my other friend whose name is also kenzie but whom we call maddy for no apparent reason and i got mad at brynn too. we decided to be on sammi's side. brynn didn't know that we were mad at her too, she only knew that sammi was. she tried to talk to kenzie, maddy, and me, but we kinda gave those hints that u give people when they are annoying u, but she still didn't notice.
after awhile, it was just kenzie, maddy, sammi, and me hanging out. i was on good terms i guess u could say, with brynn and so was maddy. then kenzie went and screwed it all up.
there are these 5 girls in my class that think they are better than everyone else. they are the source of most of the gossip. kenzie had to hang out with them after a school fundraiser because she didn't have a ride home. she said that they weren't as bad as she thought they were b4.
just for the record, these girls have brainwashing powers (kinda). a different girl named kayla was close friends with my other friend gina until she started hanging out with THEM. kayla was a quiet person, and maybe she changed for the better, but she ended up kinda crazy and acted exactly like THEM. sure she was all outgoing and stuff which is a good thing, but gina lost her bff.
so anyways, pretty much the same thing has happened with kenzie. today when i tried to talk to her, she just ignored me! it was so rude! and i was all like to myself, "i can't believe u have the nerve to do this to me! i was one of ur bffs who was always on ur side when we were mad at brynn!" i was shocked.
i need advice. i'm sorry this is so long, but it felt great writing it that i just couldn't stop! i knw i can come to u people with my problems cuz i don't knw u therefore u will not knw anyone i am talking about and tell them what i said! :) i love this blog and it's almost like a friend to me (almost. i mean its a BLOG not a PERSON and calling it my BFF would look kinda eccentric and weird!). i knw u guyz have great things 2 say that will help me because everyone goes through something like this at some point! pleaz, pleaz, pleaz help!!!
When will a preview of Kiki Strike #3 be out? You mentioned you'd post something on the site. Thanks.
All the "oil your feathers/rise above it/they're not worth crying about/be the bigger person" stuff you get from grown-ups is so easier said than done. Which they realize themselves, mostly, but it's still a pain.
I have been gossiped about A LOT!!! I really don't like it but there isn't much I can do. It has died down some because I don't react as much as I used to. I think some people just want to get somebody roused up and so they make fun of them. Don't get adults involved. It seems like they just make things much more difficult.
what you have to do is to get your friends to back you, and laugh it off. Do not get a teacher or parent involved. Whatever you do, don't let it get to you!
Where i live, being unique is so norm. If you want to seem confident, you become unique, and don't blend in, or act annoying. Because if you are nice, with an interesting personality, then people will like you.
CHANEL: I think Kenzie is ignoring you because she wants to fit in with The Five. (hehe Sidonia and company! [in Kiki Strike] {sorry about the interruption})
Anyway, she may be feeling a bit popular right now and may enjoy the different feeling.
I do beleive she will come back to you, because you are her true friend.
Okay, my first comment didn't get through, but here's the gist of it--I think you should ignore it whenever possible. Of someone comes up to you and says, "Is is true you have a crush on William?????" (or whatever--that was just for simplicity's sake), then I think you should just respond calmly and truthfully. If you do, in fact, have a crush on William, then, yes, that will be a difficult and embarrassing moment. :(
And also, yes, ignoring them will be hard. But crying won't do a whole lot of good, so cry in the shower. ;)
One thing about gossip is there is different kinda. 1) social gossip ex.: "OMG! Did you HEAR?! OMG well, like, Carrie and Carter are SO TOTALLY and ITEM! OMG!" Usually this is fairly harmless. Yes, it can be dramatic and cause heartbreak. But it usually has no ill intent. 2) Mean gossip. Most gossip seems to fall under this category. An ex.: spreading a rumor that someone is lesbian just because the guy you like finds her cute. It's shallow, and can make a huge difference. People will believe it, and automatically shun you. 3) Revenge gossip. This is fairly similar to mean gossip, but a little more complicated. Take the last situation: Maybe instead of it being a guy you like, it's a guy who just broke up with you, for another girl. Then you will spread the rumor that she is lesbian, and use it as a way to get back at her. 4) Popularity rumors. Again, similar to mean & revenge gossip, but it's more like this: One girl is getting a little to popular, a little to well liked, and has started being friends with your friends. She is an actual "threat" to your position of alpha girl. Then you will spread the rumor that she is lesbian so that she will be less popular. 5) Positive gossip. This is the least common, and pretty much the most complicated. This can be for many reasons, for bad and good. It could be spread to get more popular, for ex.: you have gotten very popular, but have a rep for being mean to the less popular. To improve your image, you might take someone one much less popular, a.k.a. social reject and "take them under your wing" so that you seem nice & popular. This is just what I have observed, I'm sure there is more. Honestly, ignoring gossip really doesn't always help. A girl at my school had to transfer classes. Sometimes people are so persistent, they don't care if you care, but properly spread and organized rumors can ruin your middle school life.
Chanel: WOW. Thats quite a story. I have a few friends who did that once. The power of the populars never ceases to amaze me. Ya, so for a couple of weeks it was popular this and popular that. It got really annoyying. So, in all my years of expirence I would recomend, not yelling, threatening, or forming an army against her. Talk to her alone, with absolutly NO presence of a popular. She should be almost normal. Talk to her quietly and controlled. If shes really your best friend, shell come around. Even if it takes a little while.
:)
Uhhh... Yes. DO NOT get parents/teachers/councelors involved. In fourth grade, there was this girl that was always really mean to me. Her mom was in charge of the PTO, helped with the choir, tutored kindergarteners and did all that mom-ish stuff. Finally, I decided to go to my councelor, and told him what was going on. Want to know who got in troble? ME. Why? Because the girl's mom helped out around the school so much, they even told me that if they punished so-n-so it would make Mrs. so-n-so mad and she wouldn't help the school any more. So-n-so found out about me going to the councelor, and it just so happens that this girl's mom was friends with one of the lunch monitors, and whenever there was too many people at a table, so-n-so would tell the table monitor, and the table monitor would always make me sit by myself at this table in the corner. That was back then, but if she tried to do that to me now, I would have just stuck a wad of gum in her seat when no one was looking and black mail her, since i know her crush. (Being the quiet kid really comes in handy. People think that just because you don't talk, you can't hear either. Pah!!!)
Honestly, at my school, I don't think there really is a lot of mean gossip, etc. Kids are popular, and some aren't but I don't think there are major issues. if there are, I don't think they get around that much. There isn't a group of "mean girls" really. Well, there are these girls that I've seen that I don't know at all because their on a different team, but they seem really annoying, but I don't know much about them. I have never been gossiped about, to tell the truth. But it annoys me that people think it's uncool to be smart, since I get good grades, and stuff some kids think you're a know it all and a suck-up. People gossip about teachers sometimes, though.
@TheGodmother-
i can totally relate to that!
all my teachers use to play favorites on this one girl cuz her mom was a teacher at the school back when we were in elem school.
so when someone did something wrong, they got in trouble for it. when SHE did something wrong, she didnt get in trouble for it. if she did, which was once in a very rare occasion her mom would always "persuade"(i used to joke with my friends paid XP) the teacher out of her punishment
obviously unfair and pretty much discriminating.
i never got in trouble cuz i was the "quiet kid" also and still am.
i found out this was going on long before the others people.
oh and i can relate to the "just cuz i cant talk doesn't mean i can't hear" thing too
:]
Wow, you guys. You're all just so cool. I'm serious, all of this is just totally awesome.
Irregular Kiki and Kiwi - thanx for the advice! i'll try to talk to her and work things out!
There's only one problem though. My other friends would rather replace her and move on in life but i don't think that's fair. The "populars" she's hanging out with will do anything to get what they want and i'm afraid that they'll use kenzie and hurt her. I don't want to start a fight with my other friends because they could care less, that's my major problem right now. Kenzie can hang out with whoever she wants, but my friends can be... controlling. I don't care who she hangs out with as long as she doesn't ignore me and treat me like u would treat dog poo that got on ur shoe.
Another thing: Haven't u noticed that the mean girls always act super sweet and nice whenever adults are around? When I was in girl scouts a million years ago, my mom was a leader or whatever, and the evil little fakes would play innocent the whole time. That meant that they wouldn't act all evil, but i knew that as soon as it was over, so was the make-believe girls that u would want to be friends with and the meanness would be back.
=/ I'm hated by most of my year...they say a lot of mean stuff, just because I won't conform to what they call 'normal'.
I have never been gossiped about. Or bullied. I make a point of being just ignorable enough to duck when someone who I know is bad news is coming. But, one of my friends "D" was the target of the most intense and organized bullying and gossip campaign I've seen in a long time. It started like this: a well-known bully "E", who commands about 1/2 the girls in my grade, was making racist comments at a kid in class one day, and D told E to stop. E of course had to retaliate because she couldn't just let it go--it would get around and she would lose respect (read: fear). So she organized things so, by the end of the year, people who D didn't even know were coming up and insulting her. Finally D pulled out and homeschooled.
Oh and also, E cussed out D's dad, for no less then 3.8 minutes, without repeating a word.
Yeah. Scary girl.
--EQ
My strategy is to stay innocent. Don't drop in, but listen if you must and correct someone if you know they're lying, accientally or purposely.
It's simple, but it works fairly well for me.
wow ananka! i have never seen so many posts!!! to be honest, i have gotten gossiped about so much, mainly because i hang out with boys which popular girls hate, and my religion makes people stereotype me. but i have plenty of confidence, not to brag. i hate gossipers and if they gossip about me, i:
+ tell them to stop lying
+ tell every1 who knows that i would never do or say that
+ team up with my close friends and laugh in the low life that have nothing better to do but talk about ME!!!! :]
-LD
Falcon - ermmmmm, not really.
Like, unless you are one of the populars, being "unique" get's you laughed at. But if you are a popular, you can do anything, and people will be like, omg that's so cool! SERIOSLY!
Example: The most popular girl in my school wore tu-tus (how do you spell that!!! Idk. What I mean are those things ballet dances wear) and everyone was like, omg that is so awesome! Wow! So cool! Tu-tus are the best. I'm not exagerating at all. This serisosly happened.
On the otherhand, if your not popular, doing something "unique" like not wearing skinny jeans (everyone at my school wears them, I don't, I hate them) will get you weird looks.
I'm not even exagerating about the tu-tu thing. It really happened.
it is amazing how people think venting is like gossiping. one time my bff had a crush on a really cute boy, and she told my other friend, by venting and saying how it's too bad he had a girlfriend and oh well. so my friend told the girlfriend that my other friend liked her boyfriend and that she wanted them to break up!!!! now all the populars call my friend a "man stealer", even though no "man" was "stealed!" ;}
-LD
I'm the 'jock' of the group, friends say I'm too scary when I'm mad
Should i be insulted?
>.<
Ahahaa I'm homeschooled (until next year,) and I don't think gossip could travel through my one brother? (I mean, unless he goes crazy and starts talking to himself about me, and that'd be very strange. My brother is awesome!)
Dear KM,
Have you ever heard of the Gossip Girl series by Cecily von Ziegesar? Well, something like the Gossip Girl blog is going on at my school; someone, most likely a girl even though my school is coed, is commenting on people, what they do, and what they wear. It seems pretty harmless, but no one knows who writes this blog--and since it can get quite nasty, the writer doesn't inspire mystery and intrigue like von Ziegesar's character; instead, girls are turning against each other, and lots of people are being careful about what they say. Luckily, I am part of a group that hasn't been targeted, as of yet, but lots of girls who are in my outer circle of friends are being hurt. An example of this is the blogger's report on prom; he/she makes comments on dresses, boyfriends, even the conduct between bfs, gfs, and crushes. Many say that the blogger, known solely as "Sugarlips", should stay anonymous, for their own good. If the girls that have been so snidely insulted ever find out who's writing these things about them, they will most surely plague and break the malicious blogger until he/she leaves the country; that is how hurtful these would-be-innocent comments are.
Sky: Whoa. You MUST reveal her identity. I'm going to put my mind to this . . . stay tuned.
ok?(i have no idea what is going on)
yes... gossip has been a large part of my life, I'm kind of easy to pick on, I don't look very pretty and I have self esteem issues, i also have add which is really embarassing so i'm easy to target last year I was cornered for a semester at a table that almst annhilated my self confidence but I'm better.
Last Anonymous: I'm very sorry to hear about that. I was bullied in the 9th grade, so I know a thing or two about what it's like.
But here's the secret. EVERYONE has self-esteem issues. And the people who were bothering you probably have issues that dwarf yours.
And as for looks . . . here's the other secret. They fade. Not until you're older, but quicker than you'd ever expect. Which is why it's so important to be interesting and intelligent--no matter how you look. Too many pretty people never bother to develop a personality. And when the time comes . . . they're up the creek so to speak.
This is all to say, don't let them get to you. I know how hard it is. But if you don't give up, one day you'll be able to look back on all of that and be proud of how you handled it.
I have blond hair so you can imagine what goes around:( also im poor so...... well u know.
I'm blond too also i wear comfortable resale shop clothes instead of designer so.......
ashes fly back in the face of those that throw them. an old African proverb i read in a book somewhere.:)
some girls dumped my book bag out in a DUMPSTER and had 3 boys try to follow me home because instead fo carrying around a little puppy or mini dog i came to the park with a big lab named Tennessee who instead of coming from a breeder came from the streets and because i don't like designer clothes like Nico AND they asked me if i was gay or if i was a he-she because i wear a guys' watch!!. anyone else think these girls are insane? they are almost as bad as Sidonia!!!!! and the next time i saw them i was minding my own busness and i turned around and she was flipping me off! for no reason! i nearly said some things to her that would have gotten me grounded for a MONTH. but i just walked away and her face turned SO red (guess Nico was right. this town is the DEFINITION of clique! i'm serious. if you don't believe come out here yourself. i live in montgomery city MO.
So right Forrester i think those girl ARE insane......the BAD insane NOT the good kind of insane.
X sigh x Well it's complicated.... I don't get bullied but I get left out alot. Probably cause I'm quiet and keep to myself. I have a couple good friends and get ignored by pretty much everyone else. The girls in my grade pretty much wear designer everything! (yuck XP) Well lets just say when I get older my reading and smart skills will pay off.
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